Self-transmutation is not the same as self-improvement.

Self-improvement has become a big topic in the last century, but that term gives you the impression that any improvement is possible. It also opens up the idea that others can define what your self-improvement should be. As we’ve seen, other people’s ideas for your “improvement” is not always what you need.

The Director, for example, thought Lena’s self-improvement should be pushing past her hesitation and turning into an inventor of more destructive weapons. 

My college coach thought I should be racing with the rest of my team despite how I was feeling, and the barre instructor thought my self-improvement was somehow related to my inner thighs.

These are all ways to improve, yes, and for some people, those actions would be accurate ways to step into a fuller version of yourself. 

But doing what the Director said didn’t help Lena become more Lena. Instead, Lena lost a vital part of herself. 

Listening to my coach also had lasting consequences (though less drastic), but like Lena’s, the experience also set me on a different path. 

Instead of listening to others, both Lena and I became more committed to making up our own mind and trusting it. We became more Lena and more Shelby than we were before.

That’s self-transmutation. You don’t “improve” yourself in any direction. You instead move in your own direction—no one else’s.

Self-transmutation means focusing on who you actually are and becoming more of who you are. 

We have an idea of who we want to become, and as we’ve discussed, targets like these can be enormously helpful. They guide you on your journey. 

Sometimes, you reach your target. For instance, Lena reached her target of becoming an inventor early in the series, and I eventually lost the extra weight that was aggravating my asthma too. 

Sometimes, even when you’re walking towards the target with your whole body, you don’t reach that target. For example, on the day I fainted, I had a target of showing up for my teammates during the race, and I definitely didn’t reach it—the captain had to row in my place. Likewise, Lena didn’t invent a weapon that was safe for herself and her friends despite how hard she tried.

Self-transmutation is what happens when you are pursuing a target, regardless of whether or not you actually reach that target. 

You have tried something, and the experience of that effort teaches you more about yourself. 

Reaching her target of becoming an inventor, Lena had to then start to ask herself, What kind of inventor do I want to be? Then she had to hit her limit, go past it, and then articulate and enforce her boundaries.

Missing the target of showing up for my team, I lost my words for a whole afternoon. I had to ask myself: Who am I without my words? What am I willing to give up in order to make sure that this doesn’t happen again? I left the crew team, and years later, I left the barre class. I chose to make my own way. 

Reaching the target is optional.

The process of becoming is not. 

Whether you reach that target or you miss it, your understanding of your world and your place within it shifts.  

The world you want becomes less of something that you chase after. 

Instead, you learn to create your own corner of the world by showing up more fully within it as your own specific, unrepeatable self.

You can’t become anything and anyone you want to be. 

You can only become the next version of yourself, brighter and fuller than before, and just in case no has told you yet today, that version of you is pretty great.

You may feel far from that, and I completely understand—I know that feeling well. 

You actually don’t need to know exactly how to get there. You just need to know one small step you can take in the right direction.

In the next section, we’ll explore this deeper by discussing the microshift.